In Search Of Ideas

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[I] ‘Tony and Susan’

 

Tony curses him for not being brave enough to save his wife and daughter from the monsters Ray, Turk and Lou who hithatched them on their road-trip to Maine. They separated them, dumped him in the woods and his family near the trailer. He walked the entire night in search of Laura, his wife and daughter Helen. Only in the morning did he discover them in the woods among the bushes. Naked. Raped. Dead.

 

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[II] ‘The Zahir’

Esther is missing. It has been two long years that Paulo found his wife dissapeared. No message, no reasons. Just gone. Leaving him with the mysteries and the need to find the truth of love and life. Will he meet his wife? Why did she leave in the first place? Did they lack something in their 10 year long marriage?

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I have been in search of something too. Some realisations have to be made. It’s more like making yourself believe a fact your heart resists to believe. To stay in illusion is no good. Maybe it is. You keep away from outbursting. But how long? It has to pour out oneday. It is like you know your loss is heavy but you don’t yet feel its weight.

What do you do in such cases?

I write. Maybe read too. Like a hell lot. Though it hasn’t made me feel the weight yet, I just takes me away for a while.

The thoughts will return soon, that I know. Till then I keep myself occupied. In search of ideas. To write something good. Something like you read above. Or maybe entirely different. It’s all so unpredictable. I keep my search going.

 

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Today I Got My First Book Published

It was a great moment when I saw the published version of ‘The Sweet Disaster’. All the goodwills started flowing in from there on. I was super happy and excited to share it to my friends. It wouldn’t have been possible without them. I was excited to tell mommy and daddy. I sent the link to my younger brother and asked him to show to them. He said he was not able to open the book. I told him that he needed to buy one but I’d send him a free copy sometimes later. Just then papa said from behind “I want to buy it. I’ll deposit 2k in your account”. I was like- papa❤ you make me happy like hell, I love you.

 

I never knew it meant soo much for him. Seeing his daughter’s first book published.

 

Here’s a link to it. I hope you also read it, review it and share in your circle. That would mean a lot to me.

I Live While I Still Can

If you asked me if I believe in love stories or not, I wouldn’t say no. I can write a whole book on why love can be your sweetest muse. Perhaps, it’s all but permanent. However, I would like to pen down something really different today. Something real. Something deep.

It was a cool summer night, the time just after a beautiful pour. I stood near the window by the staircase where I keenly observed how beautiful nature is and how some of us simply fail to acknowledge its serenity! And while I looked at the endless spell of the dim lights running through the dense trees and the light reflecting on the grasses, and the breeze touching my body, I felt a new zeal invoking me. Then there was this familiar voice- intriguing, captive and appealing. It was like peanut butter or say like honey coated dark chocolate or just a real human voice that I’m fond of; it’s difficult to describe. The voice pulled in an urge to never lose a moment there.

The time of our lives is hard to be defined but trust me when the silence between two people works like magic even after years, that’s something worth being happy with damp eyes.

Does Everything Happen For Good?

Okay, this is for everybody who has, for some or the other reason ever doubted on the “everything happens for good” thing.

 

I couldn’t have been happier the day when out of nowhere a dark glitch hit me. Digging out the deads, the demons tried to engulf the calmness of my serenity. I saw it all happen. I saw it all being senseless, baseless, and yet consuming inflammably. It consumed the tears, the trust, and how could I not mention time?

 

Later, things started falling into the right places, and I still wondered if things happen for good. I mean what good was a trecherous night born out of misunderstandings and presumptions?

 

Here I will tell you why. I hadn’t added a blogpost for I guess a couple of months until the day before. I was not too keen on submitting my entry into the training story contest. It all happened within a span of two to three days. Wow! What a trigger.

 

So, good things happen to make us know how lovely life could be. The bad ones happen because it is then we use our potential to the fullest and realise what we’re worth for. Pain pushes you into action. It is a necessary and inevitable part of us. You just cannot deny it because it came at the wrong time. How you turn it to make a change counts!

Believe in me, won’t you?

Incidenes near and far
In course of togetherness
Bumped into us
We stayed strong

I broke your heart
You hurt me
Setting things even
We stayed intact

When testament disclosed
You scored more
I was a mess
Both left with scars

We have one life
We’re running out
Time’s ticking away
Ringing for reconciliation

‘Some relations are worth giving away the grudges howsoever stingy it gets.’

 

“Family is my treasure”, said the nine year old. The people he was surrounded by were filled with love up to the brim. Life couldn’t be any cruel when families were meant to be like that. Be it taking him out to get him chocolates to playing with him indoors and outdoors, everyone’s lil’ star he was. As he grew, he kept discovering the lovely world. Was it really lovely to him till the end?

One by one, the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of his life kept on distorting. His aunt who was like his second-mom, who used to buy him toys and take him to his favorite places, now scares the life out of him. After the incidences that took place in his sweet-sixteen, when his parents were in California, he started fearing her more. Now that he has shifted to New York, after selling all his property in Hyderabad, returning back to Granny’s home is always a reminisence of the deadly past. His aunt has now grown old. Her kids are in their youth. Lyba, elder of the two was his favorite sister whom he loved even more than his own sister. Lyba’s mom is as good to her as she was to him except that one thing she did to him. He feels at times asking her why she ever did it and that he loved her so much. Now there are feelings that cannot be expressed. It’s not exactly hatred, it’s love neither. None of them exists anymore. There is just a wish that he forgets the part of his life that has brought this type of insecurity within.

 

He had been in touch with Lyra lately. She was just five months elder to him so they were more like friends. She used to be busy in her work but once in two months she used to make some time for her loving brother. That one call from her would make his day. He would tell his friends that his sweet sister had called him that day. Things were pretty lovely when ugliness stepped in. One, two, three-consecuitive incidents in a row that reminded him of the worst of dreams he saw the other night. He saw a reflection of her aunt in Lyra and that she was attempting to do the same. He cursed him everyday of thinking like that about Lyra. He tried to act as normal as he could over the conversations. Things worsened and now he doesn’t wan’t to pick up Lyra’s call anymore. He is still not over with the way she had been talking to him from a couple of days. Okay, it’s cool enough for her to discuss anything and everything with him including how she loved the ‘Wolf of WallSteet’ and wanted a life like Leo but was the conversation getting weird as it trailed? He told her that she sounded drunk that day.She laughed and said she was in the middle of the movie and would call back later. He wished that she never called back with the same tone. There was this deliemma about why he had been feeling insecure. A part of him said to figure out the harsh truth that he saw every other day and the other convinced him of thinking too much.

Lost in the truth and lies of life on earth and eternity and of family’s love and enemosity, he keeps thinking about how beautiful these people had been to him not once but many a times. How they used to love him, play with him and share joys and sorrows. Some relations are worth giving away the grudges howsoever stingy it gets.

Missing You

Everyday I wake up with a hope

A hope so positive

A hope that this wait will be over

And I’ll be next to you

You are in my heart on my mind

All the time

In my prayers in my dreams

Is what I see

Your love is what I long

Just two days that you’ve gone

And there is this missing

Major missing it is

Come home soon mommy daddy

Be well and come

It’s difficut without you

Or more difficut is it over there?

 

 

24 November 2017

Critical Analysis of ‘The Catcher in the Rye’: The Madman Tale

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‘‘I’m the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life’’, says a young boy of seventeen, who is highly sensitive, trying to resolve the complexity of adulthood and loss in human values and struggling somewhere between his illusions and breakdown. However, does this comply with the absent-minded character he portrays in the novel? This is one of those classical works of J.D Salinger which got extreme popularity as well as became controversial due to its colloquial construct. Written in the first person, it is a full-fledged coming-of-age literary masterpiece which centralizes around cities of New York, Pennsylvania and then back to New York. Salinger, with his stream of consciousness writing style coupled with extraordinary contrivances of realistic fiction, makes a history in English literature.

Structured during the period of World War II, J.D Salinger’s ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ is a story of a troubled teenager, Holden Caulfield, going through emotional trauma and finding every other grown-up insincere and phony except his brother Allie and little sister Phoebe.

It revolves around the protagonist, Holden, who is distraught with the art of innocence fading in the adult age group and how he wants to be the ‘catcher’, the savior of innocence in the children falling off the cliff in their transition to adulthood.

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The negativities have filled him up, so much so that all he talks about is phonies, death, hate, sadness and the materialistic world.

Holden, who admits himself as a liar, is deliberately honest to the readers while narrating his story. It is very evident from the fact that he unfolds the mysteries of his life and talks about his own dishonesty. In his line “…  you don’t know what interests you more till you start talking about something that doesn’t interest you most…” (Salinger 1951,ch24),  it is clear that his drifting into the thoughts of  Stradlater, his roommate or Robert Ackley, his neighbour and friend or the mother of a student he meets on the train, disguises the reader from what he actually wants.

 

Maybe he is fed up with the societal drama, the corruption, and hypocrisy and how people grow up to be ‘‘morons’’ (Salinger 1951, Ch6).  He ends up calling himself a ‘moron’, for he thinks and worries too much. For instance, he says “When I really worry … (I) go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don´t go. I´m too worried to go. I don´t want to interrupt my worrying to go” (Salinger 1951, ch6). No doubts,  the tone of the narrator is depressing and sad.

 

Right from the beginning till the end, the narrator makes his reasons clear, for not liking the people whom he comes across. Be it the one who killed the little James or his roommate Stradlater who bullies him, or Mr. Spenser, his History teacher, all of them have had a negative impact on his life. Then there are those girls whom he calls phonies, whom he strongly dislikes. He even talks about his brother D.B who is a great author but works as a screenwriter, which, in the eyes of the narrator is similar to selling his gifted talent. This makes him feel like people do anything when they come into to the grip of the materialistic world. Amongst all these people about whom he mentions, he seems to dearly like his younger brother Allie who died because of the leukemia attack. It can be deduced that all he ever liked was the children who hadn’t dived into adulthood and destroyed their innocence.  We can infer this as his unwillingness to grow up.

Every time I’d get to the end of a block I’d make believe I was talking to my brother Allie. I’d say to him, “Allie, don’t let me disappear. Allie, don’t let me disappear. Allie, don’t let me disappear. Please, Allie.” And then when I’d reach the other side of the street without disappearing, I’d thank him. (Salinger, ch9)

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After being kicked out of Pencey Prep, he doesn’t go back to his home for the fear of facing his angry parents. Staying in another city is not a matter of joke, this shows that he was rich and mature enough to travel alone. Nothing works up for him. He is lonesome and tries to catch up with his old friends and even his ex. To kill his loneliness and in the wake of desires, he meets Sunny, the prostitute in a hotel room where he couldn’t just give himself up.  He finds casual sex as a mark of disrespect to the women. He is even distressed with all the ‘Fuck you’ signs on the walls of the school and how the world has brought about filthiness even in the innocent minds. He might have faced something very bad in the past that the over-friendly gesture of Mr. Antolini pricks his conscious and he decides to spend the night at the station. Things get worse and he decides to finally take shelter far away in the woods. Before leaving he wants to say a final goodbye to Phoebe. He drops his plan when she insists on accompanying him all the way. He frightens her with the reasons for not being able to stay in the town and go to school. But did he himself ever follow any of those life lessons he taught to his sister? Does this dream of becoming the catcher in the rye laugh at his state of mind? However, all he ends up is being alone in the company of the only person he loves to be with – his lil’ sister Phoebe.

Phoebe manages to make his brother a bit comfortable in the air around. He feels like there is more to life than what he thought. However, the exact condition of the narrator is still unknown because he never talks about his treatments. He continues to think of himself as someone who would capitulate the innocence which is lost in the transition from childhood to being adults.

 

 

 

Entanglement

If only I could…
If only I could unravel the secrets of rime
You stood by me that dark misty night
I’d crawl back in time to dive deeper
Unfurling the mysteries of those beautiful eyes

If only I could make you see
The labyrinth of our connectedness
We became parent at same nursing home
You got Aanvi and I was gifted Arhaan

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